Hindsight is 20/20. The Dating Perspective of a 30-year old, single, female.
Have you ever held on to an unhealthy relationship waiting for the good to outweigh the bad? The flaws to disappear, the arguments to cease, and the fairytale to begin? If you cannot identify with this story, then I will stop writing now and check in with my therapist JK.--- But I say on behalf of the group, I would love to meet you because you sound like a suspicious alien worth investigating. :)
Lessons From My Personal Love & Relationships
"The best math you can learn is how to calculate the future cost of current decisions." - @wesleysnipes
Perhaps it's the tragic flaw of the optimists and the romantics of the world, seeing things not as they are but as we wish them to be. However, it wasn't until my relationship ended and the awkward silence sunk in that I was able to render this rational conclusion. Depending on the individual involved and the intensity of my emotions, it could take months, even years for me to stop blaming them for the failure of our 'perfect union.' The only logical explanation I could formulate, was that they were clearly too short-sighted to see the potential of our relationship.
(Side note for all the readers: if you are ever running out of reasons to blame your ex and want to prolong your own agony, my recommendation is to blame their parents and make excuses for their past. It's an easy conclusion to run with- they didn't teach love in the home. lol Insert Smug Face Here.)
Jokes aside, it turns out the image of me- the perfect girlfriend, and him- the man I dreamed he could be weren't translating. You know the version of him- where we extract all his best qualities, like his outgoing personality, his sense of humour, ambition, career, success, and fill in his character gaps like loyalty, responsibility, reliability with images of dreamy vacations, special holidays and moments with friends and family that will never materialize.
I wish I could tell you this "ignorance was bliss" but to be honest, it just led to further heartbreak when I refused to surrender to the reality. Rather pathetically, extreme cases played out where ex's had gotten engaged, married, even started their families before I had resolved my feelings and precious time was wasted. If you are a stubborn person like me, fortunately, I believe there is a higher power or God that knows how to deal with special people like us. What makes this higher power so qualified for the job- is that they know how to reach us when we refuse to listen.
In my case, it was the passing of my father that forced me to reflect on time wasted. It was as if, overnight my values had shifted. I didn't have time anymore to long for someone that wasn't longing for me. I had family to tend to and friends that were deserving of my attention. As a result, I started accepting these people (my ex's) for what they wanted to be perceived as- even if I didn't believe the entire picture.
This liberation I felt must compare to those who faithfully rehearse the Serenity Prayer. Also, for the record, my dating options did not plummet, in fact, arguably they grew exponentially. Admittedly, I am still exploring the purpose of romantic relationships in my life, however, I am confident I have come a long way from the time of, "tell me what I want to hear."
So, it is my wish for you all today, to embrace the raw reality that is in front of you, no matter how pleasant or unpleasant it may seem, and trust that happiness lies just beyond what is comfortable. NAMASTE.